The Day the Music Died

Posted byKathy SimmonsPosted inDeath, friendship, LossTags:, , , , , ,

It is 6:45 AM and the sun is slowly rising over the hospital’s still silent campus. Entering the conference room for morning report, I wonder as I always do, what type of day is in store. But the moment my eyes fall upon my fellow Psych Tech and friend, Kay Bauer, seated at the table, her hair adorned in two, tiny sparkling pink butterfly clips, I have no doubt it is going to be a good one.

I am not sure which of Kay’s many talents would take first prize; her epic guitar playing, “you hum it, I’ll strum it,” her way of making everyone she encountered feel like they were the most important person in the world, her endless witticisms, her generosity. The unique way of throwing her voice to mimic barking which never failed to produce a confused search by all, of a dog, that never materialized. The list goes on… Yet sprinkled in all of her talents was a humility and kindness seldom seen in one so accomplished. That was Kay.

We would sit together in the hospital dining room during meals, as the patients called out song requests. The selections wildly varied. From Frank Sinatra, to the Eagles, to Lynyrd Skynrd, Kay accommodated all. Her guitar playing delighted and soothed, with the unique capability of changing a patient’s mood from distraught to joyful, with just a few verses. I too benefited from her playing, requesting many of my own favorite 80’s rock songs, which she never once refused. I loved those days sitting with Kay, I too healed by her music, magically transported back to a time in youth, with one simple song.

Kay loved Duchess for lunch and always asked me and anyone else working that day, what she could bring back. Her favorite was undoubtedly the chicken tenders and I would happily steal one or two, upon her return which she would place on the desk of the nursing station, for all to enjoy. I am a soup lover and on more than one occasion, she would return with a large container of Chicken Rice, that I had never asked for, absolutely refusing to accept the money she had paid for it.

She owned a variety of beautiful hand held fans which I often admired. One morning she bestowed me with a brilliantly colored one, adorned with flowers. In return, during the Covid pandemic, I gifted her with a hand painted mask, bearing a guitar. Another time, I gave her an Irish worry stone, a favorite souvenir of mine from Ireland, whose smooth marble was said to alleviate worries. She told me she kept it close at all times.

But it was her affect on our patients I believe, I will remember most. Beloved and cherished by countless, she recently showed me a book sent to her by an ex-patient and author, who had written a note of gratitude for something which came so naturally to Kay, she was not even sure what she had done to merit it.  I recall her on the busiest of days, foregoing her break to sit with a struggling patient who after their talk, never failed to be brighter and more hopeful. A young patient once approached me during my shift, asking for the guitar to play during his free time. When I responded that I did not know he had a guitar on the unit, he replied that Kay had brought in one of her own, for him to use at any time needed.

Kay’s greatest joy in life was her only child. She told me of her pride in a recent 21st birthday and the celebration they enjoyed together. Her second favorite thing in life I believe, was performing in a band, and how grateful she was having been recently asked to join a new one. She would often tell me stories of her days at a venue called Crave, which I have little doubt were among the best of her life, doing what she loved, making people happy.

At the hospital, we ask patients during group, to name one thing they are grateful for. Mine, for today and always, is having known Kay Bauer.

I am saddened at the loss of my friend. Her light, humor, generosity and spirit will remain with me always. And I imagine at this moment, in a different place and time, a group of people stand, patiently waiting. Young and old, tall and short, far too many too count. Lining up, they are all eager to put in a request for a favorite tune. And in the middle of the crowd, guitar in hand, sits Kay, her twinkling blue eyes smiling. She is more than happy to oblige.



Published by Kathy Simmons

I am an ex New Yorker who still misses the vibrancy of the city. I seek out the humor in every day life and relay it through my stories in the hope others will appreciate as well. I love to write about growing up with my fantastically unique Irish mother whose memory inspires me every day. Although she is no longer with us, her antics are an endless staple for my tales. I currently live in Connecticut with my husband, two sons and toy fox terrier Anabel.

45 thoughts on “The Day the Music Died”

  5. Sorry for your loss. Though she may no longer be with us physically, Kay’s spirit lives on through the countless lives she touched and the memories she created. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt tribute to your dear friend.

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  7. Hi, what a beautiful tribute to Kay!

    I’m Karen Varano, Lead Singer/Keyboardist of Karismics Band. This is the project that you mentioned that Kay joined a few months ago.

    We just saw Kay on Tuesday and had an amazing practice and dinner afterwards. We did the song Locked Out Of Heaven by Bruno Mars where we let Kay incorporate her dog barking into it.

    Then she suddenly passed the following night. We are devastated and in shock. We will always love and miss her ❤️. Kay was the sweetest and most beautiful friend. She was part of our band family and always will be. Keep on rocking Kay. 💒🙏😇❤️🎼🎸🎤

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    1. Karen, Kay just recently expressed to me, her huge gratitude to you specifically, for welcoming her into your band. She had experienced past heartache in losing jobs when people she trusted lost faith for unknown reasons, not having to do with her musical talent. She pulled out her phone as we sat together at work and showed me a video of you singing. I told her you were an amazing talent with a gorgeous voice. She agreed and again told me how much she loved being in your band and the warmth and kindness you showed her. Take that with you. Knowing you were instrumental in her happiness in being in the band xxo

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  13. She sounds like one in a million – you’ve done her very proud in your words. Remember, birds of a feather, flock together, like kind seeks like kind, one and the same stick together…..you must be a very similar spirit to Kay. Her real tribute is how you continue to live your life! 🙏🌻♥️✨️ Beautifully written and received, thank you!

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    1. Thank you Cait. She was. One speaker at her memorial summed her essence up perfectly, in these simple words: . “When I am upset or angry and ready to take it out on someone, I stop and say to myself, “what would Kay do right now? And I always come back to the same answer.” She lived her life through kindness, compassion and giving and will be missed immeasurably. Thank you for reading🎸

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  21. What a beautiful tribute to your friend ❤️
    I know your sadness must be immense, but this story is a beautiful way to honor Kay’s memory. I’m sure everyone who reads it will be touched by her spirit and the impact she had on your life and the lives of others.

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